With Sunday's win, the Connor's Broadsiders wrapped up the Indy Hurling season and finished their summer campaign with a respectable record. Despite not living up to last year's championship success, Connor's came out inspired and unselfish. No team has ever shown so much heart and courage in what was essentially a meaningless end-of-the-year match.
On the flip side, no team has ever been more done with its season than the formerly evil Brockway. The boy band finished with easily the worst record in the history of Indy Hurling, and ended an amazing 6 1/2 games behind champion Claddagh. Sunday's 30-point loss summed up their overcooked yet half-baked year perfectly.
Brockway had held the distinction of posting the lowest score of the season on June 27, when they managed only one pathetic goal and three points for a match. This was of course the contest which eliminated the Evils from the Quigley Cup. And just when everyone thought they couldn't possibly be any more terrible, they go and do something like this... And totally redeem themselves!
It was as if the Connor's squad had just finished practicing for and playing in a 10-week hurling season, while the Brockway Bombers were busy with plans to open up their own pet grooming business.
The match started competitively enough, with Church scoring on amazing squirrel-like zigzag run for a goal. This was followed in the half by a point from the field, and then... nothing. Brian Chernish kept Connor's goal pure the rest of the day. Tim Boyll led Connor's defense with 4 blocks. He also forgot that he hadn't slept and posted a season high 2 goals and 7 points. Rudy's defense completely deflated the Brockway attack. On offense, he toyed with his defenders, casually posting a goal and 6 points between naps. His 9 gave him 79 for the season and the year's scoring title, beating Sunday's opponent Church by 4 points. Inspired by Charles' motivational speech, Joe and Sean played some mean defense in the back. Louie, against popular belief, was actually in the game. He was simply mistaken for being absent due to his doing a lot things out of public view, like Vice President Biden.
Connor's last game was marked by numerous contributions by the newbies it had developed through the year. Kyle Keesling left celebrating two goals. Tim Cabeen, Cody Hedges, and Jacob each scored as well. With Charles' goal, Connor's output was enormous, and the final score was approximately infinity to zero.
For fans expecting a close down-to-the-wire final match of the year, the game was about as riviting the "Watch The Paint Dry" channel.
Brockway erupted in the second half. By erupted, of course, I mean they began shouting new secret plays to each other, not actually scoring. Clearly the Brockway Pub Team Strategic Planners Committee, or D.O.R.K. for short, had been busy at the half dissecting their game plan, and came to the ultimate strategy of "Get the ball to Church!"
Unfortunately for Brockway, team Connor's has Jacob on defense, who is really, really fast. The only notable accomplishment for the Emos from then on out was a yellow card. Fittingly, Brockway had now received the first and last yellow cards of the season.
One bright light shone on Brockway, that of David "Blocktopus" Littlejohn, who had this year's block title wrapped up, but needed 10 in this game to beat Rudy's record from last year. Amazingly, he left the match with 9, which will probably just make the sting even worse.
So in the final analysis, despite Trade-gate and the re-alignment of perennial underachievers Brockway into an apparent Empire of Destruction, good once again triumphed over evil. How badly Brian Church must regret being traded into the Blackosphere is a pain he must take to his grave alone.
Indy Hurling prides itself on unbiased reporting. However, we understand that some of these observations may be controversial, and readers' thoughtful feedback is encouraged. Please send any constructive remarks to email@example.com.