A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… the Evil Empire of the Brockway Public House was seemingly ready to take over the galaxy (a mere seven weeks ago), and the Claddagh Irish Pub was digging through Kyle “Captain Creamsicle” Griffith’s laundry to find enough orange shirts – and players – to put a Rebel Alliance on the field.
The Episode I contest on May 2 was not pretty as Brockway’s All Blacks dominated the Claddagh Orange by a score of 4-9, 1-3. However, the June 20th sequel took place in an alternate universe. Looking like orange-suited x-wing pilots executing a finely-tuned, tactical assault on the Death Star, the Claddagh Starfighters annihilated the Brockway Empire 11-14, 4-4 on Sunday in one of the highest scoring outputs in Riverside Park history.
The win keeps Claddagh atop the league with a 5-2-1 record, while Brockway falls to 3-5.
Wielding hurleys like lightsabers, six different Claddashians slashed through the Dark Side’s defense on Sunday. This was a stark contrast from the first match where six of Brockway’s Stormtroopers dented the scoreboard versus only two Creamsicles.
The Jedi mind tricks of Nate SKYWALKER Roberts and Travis SOLO Parker seemed to baffle the Brockway troops while goalie Matthew QUI GON Glasheen cranked up his deflector shields to full power. Claddagh’s attack was powered by a barrage of proton torpedoes from Paul YODA Kennedy as well as Captain Creamsicle’s PRINCESS LEIA-like grace and the cunning maneuvers (and linguistics) of Jody C-3-Peacock-O. The crafty duo of Jared THE HUTT Hoff and Martin ACKBAR McAfee continued their unbeaten hurling careers with another solid effort.
“Strong with the Force this team has become,” said Captain Kennedy after the match while levitating over a barstool. “Grave danger I sense for this league if play like that these Orange people continue.”
Chris CHEWY Hazel and Mike JAR-JAR Jamieson kept constant pressure on Brockway goalie Patrick BOBA FETT Rooney, who was using everything he had to stop the barrage…even his ‘bobas.’
“Aww nuts,” said Rooney after the match… in a very high-pitched voice. (Apparently the Vienna Boys Choir is interested in Rooney as a future soloist.)
But never underestimate the power of the Dark Side. Brockway fired back with Brian “The Dark Lord” Church scoring four goals and a point, all the while shouting: “I am your father!” to any defenders near him. Turns out most of them were actually his kids, so no offense was taken.
With points from Ian THE EMPEROR Heraty and David DARTH MAUL Littlejohn, Brockway was able to hang with Claddagh in the first half, but still trailed at the break 7-2, 3-4. Under a hot Tusken Sun, the Empire became much less evil in the second half – possibly remembering it had another match that day. As a result, Claddagh’s relentless attack outscored the Somewhat Unpleasant Empire 4-12, 1-0 in the second period.
Apparently Brockway’s defenses were severely weakened shortly before Sunday’s battle when their shield generator on the forest moon of Endor was suddenly deactivated. In other news, still no word on the location of Claddagh’s highly-skilled strike team consisting of Duncan WICKET McCabe, Susan QUEEN OF NAB-Beaurain, Ryan R2D2 Irving, Alex LANDO Chesterfield, Woody EWOK White and Jonathan To-BI-WAN-KENO-bin.
Apparently there must have been a major disturbance in the force after these teams’ first met way back on May 2. Since then, Brockway is 1-5 while Claddagh is 4-1-1. Who knows what is in store for the last chapter of this trilogy… Could we see some “Revenge of the Sith,” or is it more likely that “The Empire Strikes Out?” Only time will tell…
In the meantime, both teams take on the Mean Green of Pat Flynn’s Pub this Sunday at Riverside Park – Brockway at 10 a.m. and Claddagh at noon. May the force be with you.